Worrywart

"Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded.
Someone sober will worry about events going badly.
Let the lover be"

~ Jalaludin Rumi 

Remember the things I said about slipping off my fitness plan and suffering the consequences? Well, it turns out that there is a hole in that path which I am falling deep down, tumbling and flipping all the way. And that hole has a name. It is called ‘Worry’. That is when it stopped being fun and carefree.

“Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.” ~Glenn Turner

I’m sure you’d agree that worrying can easily trigger a cascade of negative thoughts. Before you know it, you’ll get caught in a torrent of self-defeating thoughts. You start being obsessed about things, start to lose confidence and feel like a failure. In short, nothing in life is going right, it seems. Victim alert!! For me, it was the traversing in between being in the shadows and being in the light that was wearing me out. I was feeling rather alone, and it felt as though I wasn’t getting the support that I needed. At the same time, I knew that it wasn’t all that bad. It was as if, I could see it all happening, but was somehow unable to completely stop it. And the whole physical discomfort that I was suffering seems to be aggravated and at the same time aggravating the situation. I was unable to function.

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers" ~M. Scott Peck

Worry can be good, if you learn to worry well. Because, it will help you decide on your next course of action. The long, long way down has been beneficial in some ways. It has become clear now what I need to prioritise on in the present time. More than anything else, health comes first. And the many, many things that I want my in my life, has somewhat became much more defined. And I am able to see what I need most at this time. And also what I am lacking. A piece of advice though, do not worry when you are hungry, do not worry when you lack of sleep and maybe, just maybe it’s best to worry after a round of dancing or whatever you fancy.

"....every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway...." ~Mary C. Crowley

Being human we need support. I know I need it, at least. And I am lucky to have those whom I can bug day in, day out. The guardian angels who didn’t mind to be sucked into my distraught frame of mind and to be pounced upon during my frustrations. Or simply to listen to me yak endlessly about the same things over and over and over again. But did it really help? It did to a certain extent. But when you have set your mind to believe in something, nothing others can say can make you feel better. Or maybe in some cases, the worries stemmed from somewhere deep within. A place where you won’t let anyone enter, sometimes it is even inaccessible to yourself. When this is the case, the real problem won’t be addressed; in fact you will end up masking it with other peripheral issues. And to whom else would you turn to in this matter? To whom else can you let it all fall?

" On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns......." ~Al-Quran (2:286)

Everything has its purpose. Something will come out from all of this, as always. I hope. God-willing.

Adrift

I had all the right to rage
When the hurricane swept me off
And threw me deep inside the cave
But I didn’t…not for long
Instead I learned that my soul could spark colours
And the darkness became my canvas

I had all the right to be jaded
When the mountain crumbled down on me
And buried me under rocks and sticks
But I didn’t...not for long
Instead I made them my anchor
And I learned to walk and run again

Now as I drift alone in this sea
Looking at the blue, blue sky
With clouds that kept changing shapes
Teasing me with images of places far, far away
And you know.. I have all the right to sink
But I won’t… not just yet
Because this is my cue to soar

And for that I thank You..
For all the bad jokes that make me stronger
And help me to learn to laugh harder
And I knew deep down that it was all
Your prerogative.

Three Questions

If you were given only one more minute to live,

1. What would be the thoughts that would flash through your mind?
2. What would pain you most knowing that there wouldn't be enough time to achieve/do/complete?
3. How have you affected change in yourself, your loved ones and the world around you? Not necessarily in a ground-breaking, world-altering sense, but small, simple gestures to make things better.

Life is an enigma. You may have walked many different paths, you may have jumped from one plane to another, yet at some points, you will find yourself right back at your starting point. One full circle completed. And how sad it would be to look inside the loop to find out that it was mostly fears, lies, insecurities and cowardice.

Lucky are the ones who are given the chance to come to that realization before the final loop. Strong are the ones who could face the humbling truths and collect all the little shiny pieces before the journey continues. Courageous are the ones who could relinquish all control and arrogance to tap into the Source of all Powers.

Life needs to be genuine.