There'll be a point in life where you'll realize that you are no longer the person you once were. An internal shift that surpassed all the physicals. Sure, you are still at the same place, on the same journey, probably even doing some of the same things.. and would still look the same, of course.. yet, internally, you are different.
And you don't really know what the turning point was.. and actually, it doesn't really matter.
Good thing is, you know that you have gone through one phase and is know in another. And that you have learnt what you needed to learn before..hopefully.. Maybe, just maybe.. in some aspects you are a little bit wiser.. Hopefully :D
The interesting part is.. you can still recognize some of the signs. The feeling that there will be more lessons to learn. Lessons that you don't feel quite equipped to handle.. .. yet somehow, I understand.. and I hope I understood it right.. that these things are only presented to you when you are ready to handle it..
So help me God ..
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Something I've almost forgotten..
The Serenity Prayer..
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Unmarked
It amazes me how good things and bad things can happen at exactly the same time, within the same space.
Good thing is, they do not cancel each other out.
Happiness is happiness.
Sadness is sadness.
Hope is hope.
It is a long road ahead with paths, uncharted.
And my heart welcomes all the surprises that I shall meet.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Life: A Constant Improv
And to each their own rhythm and melody. A grand orchestra made up of various elements. Sometimes calm and soothing, sometimes erratic and haunting, sometimes surprising with unexpected twists and turns or sometimes, simply monotonous and predictable.
And sometimes, all at once.
And for each sound that comes unheralded, there is a pattern. And for each chaotic set of beat, there will be a soothing taksim. And there will be moments when it all come together in cacophony or harmony.
Ultimately, what seems to be an improv to me, is actually a part of a higher choreography which I could not see or understand just yet.
And sometimes, all at once.
And for each sound that comes unheralded, there is a pattern. And for each chaotic set of beat, there will be a soothing taksim. And there will be moments when it all come together in cacophony or harmony.
Ultimately, what seems to be an improv to me, is actually a part of a higher choreography which I could not see or understand just yet.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Middle Eastern Magic
It was a dream come true. I sat there transfixed as the Maestro himself and his enchanting ensemble carried me away into another reality. And there was the Enchantress, dancing beautifully to every single beat and tune with the precision and beauty of a true master of the art. I was completely spellbound. Never have I thought that I would ever watch Hossam and Serena Ramzy perform live, in flesh, right before my very eyes. Having watched videos and listened to their work since I began my love affair with Middle Eastern Dance not too long ago, I jumped when I heard that they were coming to Malaysia and booked my ticket immediately.
There was something soul-lifting about listening to one of my favourite songs, 'Zeina' being played live. Believe me, I almost cried. And to listen to classics like Enta Omri and other songs that I was familiar with makes my heart swell. It was also really really nice to bump into familiar faces. One of the things I love about bellydance is how easily people bond through it in the spirit of sisterhood. I thought I would be alone tonight as most of the people I know went on the first night. So it was a pleasant surprise to meet Huda, (who by the way, came to watch on both nights!) and ended up changing my seat so that we could sit next to each other in the front row. Watching it with a friend made the event so much more worthwhile:D Then, I bumped into Naziehah, Azfa and Mavis. Compared to these ladies, I am very much a newbie. Naziehah is actually the person responsible of converting my sparks of interest into this inextinguishable flame that it is right now. It was her who taught me my first moves and even if it was just for two sessions, I can't thank her enough!
My personal definition of a successful performance is when it reaches out to me on many levels. And the show did just that. The improv segment especially, struck a chord within me. Serena tackled every beat and tune that was thrown to her gracefully and effortlessly. Every movement was executed spontaneously and it turned out simply beautiful. And through my non-expert observation, she was able to do it because she kept her center. A position that she would always come back to no matter where the music carried her. Her understanding of the essence and the underlying meaning of the music, combined with powerful mastery of the techniques contributed to her precision. The fact that she connected well with the musician and her audience is another factor to her mesmerizing performance. It was obviously a two-way communication where the dancer and musicians influenced each other. Most importantly, she was connected to herself. She owned her space and she interpreted the songs with heartfelt genuineness.
So much like life, don't you think? Sometimes it trashes you around, tests all your limits and seems to try to break you. But if you keep your center, engage both your knowledge and intuition and be aware of your environment, then maybe you will enjoy the spin and won't end up so frazzled or out of control. I went home with one thought lingering in my head- what happened to my center? What about you guys out there? Do you know your center?
Who would have thought that one could find enlightenment at the most unexpected time and place. I love Middle Eastern Dance, Raqs Sharqi, Bellydance, Oriental Dance, Tarian Timur Tengah, Tarian Padang Pasir, Danse du Ventre, ..whatever name anyone wish to call it, I love it all the same.
There was something soul-lifting about listening to one of my favourite songs, 'Zeina' being played live. Believe me, I almost cried. And to listen to classics like Enta Omri and other songs that I was familiar with makes my heart swell. It was also really really nice to bump into familiar faces. One of the things I love about bellydance is how easily people bond through it in the spirit of sisterhood. I thought I would be alone tonight as most of the people I know went on the first night. So it was a pleasant surprise to meet Huda, (who by the way, came to watch on both nights!) and ended up changing my seat so that we could sit next to each other in the front row. Watching it with a friend made the event so much more worthwhile:D Then, I bumped into Naziehah, Azfa and Mavis. Compared to these ladies, I am very much a newbie. Naziehah is actually the person responsible of converting my sparks of interest into this inextinguishable flame that it is right now. It was her who taught me my first moves and even if it was just for two sessions, I can't thank her enough!
My personal definition of a successful performance is when it reaches out to me on many levels. And the show did just that. The improv segment especially, struck a chord within me. Serena tackled every beat and tune that was thrown to her gracefully and effortlessly. Every movement was executed spontaneously and it turned out simply beautiful. And through my non-expert observation, she was able to do it because she kept her center. A position that she would always come back to no matter where the music carried her. Her understanding of the essence and the underlying meaning of the music, combined with powerful mastery of the techniques contributed to her precision. The fact that she connected well with the musician and her audience is another factor to her mesmerizing performance. It was obviously a two-way communication where the dancer and musicians influenced each other. Most importantly, she was connected to herself. She owned her space and she interpreted the songs with heartfelt genuineness.
So much like life, don't you think? Sometimes it trashes you around, tests all your limits and seems to try to break you. But if you keep your center, engage both your knowledge and intuition and be aware of your environment, then maybe you will enjoy the spin and won't end up so frazzled or out of control. I went home with one thought lingering in my head- what happened to my center? What about you guys out there? Do you know your center?
Who would have thought that one could find enlightenment at the most unexpected time and place. I love Middle Eastern Dance, Raqs Sharqi, Bellydance, Oriental Dance, Tarian Timur Tengah, Tarian Padang Pasir, Danse du Ventre, ..whatever name anyone wish to call it, I love it all the same.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Rubbles 2
It's actually quite fun to watch the pieces falling off. Well, okay. Not fun. Annoying? A little. Scary? UH HUH *nods nods*.. Interesting? mm hmm *nods*
Here's hoping that soon, illusions will vanish.
Here's hoping that soon, the genuine ones is visible among the debris.
Here's hoping that soon, the glimpses of what's buried and hidden will start to come out.
It is simple really. It is all in the foundation.
It is shaky.
Here's hoping that soon, illusions will vanish.
Here's hoping that soon, the genuine ones is visible among the debris.
Here's hoping that soon, the glimpses of what's buried and hidden will start to come out.
It is simple really. It is all in the foundation.
It is shaky.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Tinnitus
Sleeplessness is a blessing.
It forces you to lay still in the darkness of the night, accompanied by nothing else but your thoughts. And you have no choice over which thought would enter. It comes and goes on its own. In whatever manner it chooses to. You have no say over it. And then you start to feel. And feel you will, of all the feelings that you have been hiding from. Truth has demanded your attention.
This world is a noisy place. Full of arbitrary sound that fills up this huge void of silence. The void left by things unspoken. The void that keeps getting bigger and bigger each time you fail to make a stand, each time you fail to speak the truth, each time you fail to express your love, or your hatred, each time you fail to be sincere. And the sound of arbitrary noise that you make will never be enough to override this deafening emptiness. It only makes it louder.
Can you miscommunicate with yourself? Yes, quite easily, actually. You can make up sound in your head to keep from listening to the beat within. To put on layers after layers until you don't recognize who you have become. To stop listening to yourself, to lie to yourself and to deny your true nature. Then you tell yourself that it is for the greater good. That the day will come when you can be true again, but for now, you have to follow this marked path in front of you. Because this is the road to your dreams, or so you think.
But you have conveniently forgotten that these dreams, are built on the arbitrary noises that you have brought upon yourself. That those dreams are sometimes not really yours but is a landmark that has been flagged along this path that you are following. You told yourself that you are not blind, that this is what you need to do and this what you want to do. And then you get confused, you don't know what's going on, because you are unable to see. And nobody else can see through the layers, nobody else can help, because they are reaching out for the wrong things. You are completely on your own.
And it's not that you haven't admitted the truth, it's not like you have not tried to remove the layers neither have you not felt suffocated. But you wonder if it's too late to turn back. What if you remove all the layers and found that everything beneath is rotten and dying, if not already dead?
It is not that you have chosen the easier path, its not that you have not sacrificed. But could it be that you have done it for a lie. Fighting a cause that isn't really yours in the beginning? Denying the call from the depths of the abyss, that you have left buried?
But it doesn't want to stay silent anymore. You can't keep silent to yourself any longer. It's making a constant sound now. Slow and steady hum from within.. and no white noise in the world can deny its existence.
Sleeplessness is a blessing.
It forces you to lay still in the darkness of the night, accompanied by nothing else but your thoughts. And you have no choice over which thought would enter. It comes and goes on its own. In whatever manner it chooses to. You have no say over it. And then you start to feel. And feel you will, of all the feelings that you have been hiding from. Truth has demanded your attention.
This world is a noisy place. Full of arbitrary sound that fills up this huge void of silence. The void left by things unspoken. The void that keeps getting bigger and bigger each time you fail to make a stand, each time you fail to speak the truth, each time you fail to express your love, or your hatred, each time you fail to be sincere. And the sound of arbitrary noise that you make will never be enough to override this deafening emptiness. It only makes it louder.
Can you miscommunicate with yourself? Yes, quite easily, actually. You can make up sound in your head to keep from listening to the beat within. To put on layers after layers until you don't recognize who you have become. To stop listening to yourself, to lie to yourself and to deny your true nature. Then you tell yourself that it is for the greater good. That the day will come when you can be true again, but for now, you have to follow this marked path in front of you. Because this is the road to your dreams, or so you think.
But you have conveniently forgotten that these dreams, are built on the arbitrary noises that you have brought upon yourself. That those dreams are sometimes not really yours but is a landmark that has been flagged along this path that you are following. You told yourself that you are not blind, that this is what you need to do and this what you want to do. And then you get confused, you don't know what's going on, because you are unable to see. And nobody else can see through the layers, nobody else can help, because they are reaching out for the wrong things. You are completely on your own.
And it's not that you haven't admitted the truth, it's not like you have not tried to remove the layers neither have you not felt suffocated. But you wonder if it's too late to turn back. What if you remove all the layers and found that everything beneath is rotten and dying, if not already dead?
It is not that you have chosen the easier path, its not that you have not sacrificed. But could it be that you have done it for a lie. Fighting a cause that isn't really yours in the beginning? Denying the call from the depths of the abyss, that you have left buried?
But it doesn't want to stay silent anymore. You can't keep silent to yourself any longer. It's making a constant sound now. Slow and steady hum from within.. and no white noise in the world can deny its existence.
Sleeplessness is a blessing.
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